


Heaven Can Wait

by Uncharted_Darkness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boarding School, Drama & Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Love/Hate, Magic, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-24 04:43:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20700137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncharted_Darkness/pseuds/Uncharted_Darkness
Summary: An imagining of James and Lily's lives as they move forward from "Snape's Worst Memory" and the events that followed that led them to fall for each other.





	1. Turning Point

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME EVERYONE! Glad you came by :)
> 
> This is a story depicting my imagination of James And Lily’s relationship moving forward from ‘Snape’s worst memory’. I really hope you guys like it. Do read and let me know whatever you feel about it.
> 
> As applies to this and all future chapters of this story, I just own what you don’t recognise from the books the rest belongs to JKR, the genius :)
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy.

_**James**_  
  
June was always so warm and beautiful. As such, it was just cruel that we had to be stuck inside the castle for nearly two weeks of lovely mornings.  
  
I watched the sand trickle slowly on the hourglass at the front of the hall. My fingers tapped softly on my parchment causing my neighbour to shoot me an irritated look. I smiled to myself and looked around the hall. The sunlight streamed through the high windows lighting up everything in a warm yellow glow. My quill twisted between my fingers unconsciously as I re-read what I had written.  
  
_Q8. Explain the rationale of approaching with a group rather than approaching individually when dealing with a Boggart._  
  
I rolled my eyes inwardly at the O.W.L paper.

_A third-year could have answered that_! 

I trailed my finger along the vane of my quill letting the barbs brush past. The Anti-cheating quills were always very scratchy and blunt.

My mind wandered boundlessly. The Great Hall ceiling was a clear blue with soft white clouds. I imagined it would be perfect for flying…  
  
Bored and longing for freedom I checked my watch once more just as Professor Flitwick’s voice rang through the hall. 

“Five minutes left.”

He passed by my desk, looking suspiciously around at all the busy students. I straightened up pushing my lop-sided glasses into place, set my quill on the table and pulled my parchments straight. Scanning across the hall my eyes then caught the sun playing in the auburn hair of one Lily Evans.  
  
I’d spent many of my waking moments trying to vex her since I first met her on the Hogwarts Express. In turn Evans spent an equal amount of time wishing I'd vanish in a puff of smoke. It was an easy job getting young Miss Evans’ knickers in a twist. One would argue we were getting too old for such antics but there was something so entertaining about chasing after a girl who constantly resented you that even the prospect of it made me smile.  
  
I decided right then to talk to her after the exam before she left the hall. Maybe ask her to “study” together for Transfiguration, possibly the only subject I could beat her at.

_That'll get her ranting for a bit!_ I laughed quietly at the thought.  
  
_Oh, how I wished Quidditch was a subject! _With that longing, I yawned involuntarily, ran my hand through my hair and stretched a bit pulling my arms behind my chair. I was bored enough to contemplate if drawing a hangman’s noose on my paper would disqualify me. 

With a quick glance at Flitwick, I turned in my seat. As usual, Sirius was finished with his paper. He artfully balanced his chair on its hind legs and lounged on it, gently rocking back and forth. I grinned as I realised he was staging himself for Sophia Reese who had been on his “_Must Snog Before Leaving School_” list for the past two years. Sadly, she was busy scratching parts of her essay off while she reread the final work. He responded with a thumbs up when I gave him a questioning glance. Apparently, he still thought he had a shot. He never learned from his mistakes. Behind Sirius, Remus was hard at work bent over his parchment, as was Peter.  
  
Falling back into boredom I returned to my parchment sitting in front of me wondering how slow time moved. Carefully, I ripped a piece of blank parchment from a spare sheet and picked up my quill. My hand seemed to draw of its own accord, tracing ink into seemingly fluttering wings. As I shaded ink into the round centre of it the Snitch appeared metallic and more realistic. Once I could not further improve its look, my hand moved to the corner. The ink traced thick into the groove as my quill scratched into the parchment and the two letters stood out vividly against its pale background.  
_**L. E ...**_  
  
“Time’s up! Quills down please!” Flitwick’s voice called. “Please remain in your seats until all the parchment papers are collected. Accio!”  
  
My answer script along with everyone else’s zoomed off the desk over to Flitwick’s outstretched arms knocking him to the floor instantly.  
  
“Oh dear!” We heard him say as everyone broke into laughter.  
  
“Yes, you may leave the hall now!”  
I hastily scratched out the letters on the scrap of parchment and stood up, rolled up exam paper and shoved it into my bag waiting for Sirius to join me.  
  
“You know, I wish they’d make it a challenge sometimes,” Sirius said as he reached me waving his exam paper.  
  
I chuckled at his feigned disappointment and followed Remus and Peter out of the hall.  
  
Sirius clapped a hand on Remus’ back as we reached the entrance hall, “How did you do, Moony? Did you enjoy question ten?”  
  
“Excellent,” said Remus, “_Give five signs that identify the werewolf_. Absolutely brilliant!”  
  
“Sure you managed to get all five?” I asked pretending to be concerned.  
  
“Oh, I think I did alright,” he replied scratching his chin thoughtfully as we stepped out into the grounds. “One: He’s in my chair. Two: He’s wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin.”  
  
Sirius chuckled. “You forgot four: He’s probably writing on my parchment!”  
  
Peter, however, didn’t seem to find it funny. His brow was furrowed as he looked down at his paper.  
  
“’S’matter, Wormtail?” Sirius asked picking up on it too.  
  
“I got the elevated snout, the crenated pupils and the tufted tail but I forgot-“  
  
“Oh for Merlin’s sake how daft can you be Wormtail!” I asked exasperated, making a few girls look at me alarmed. “We just revised this last night! Besides you hang around with a werewolf every month!”  
  
“Shh… keep it down!” said Remus anxiously.  
  
We made our way down to our usual place under the beech tree. I suddenly realised then that my previous plans of encountering Evans had escaped me unnoticed and I looked around hoping to find her.  
  
_Damn._

She was with her little group of idealists over at the edge of the lake. I continued to watch them as they splashed water playfully at each other, some wading a little into the water which rippled against the wind causing them to hoist their skirts up a little. I smiled to myself as I pulled off my tie and unbuttoned my top shirt button. It was hot as hell as we sat down under the shade of the tree and I longed for a nice pitcher of ice-cold pumpkin juice.  
  
Dropping my bag onto the grass I pulled out the Golden Snitch from my pocket. I liked the feeling of the wings fluttering strongly against my fist. It seemed to give me an illusion of enormous power, like a giant holding a tiny little person. My mouth twitched to a smile at the idea and I let the Snitch go for a brief second before grabbing it back.  
  
“Hagrid’s going to notice if you keep breaking into the Quidditch chests every other week,” remarked Sirius.  
I simply smiled and released the Snitch again catching it back when it attempted to escape.  
  
Remus had already settled himself into a revision cycle whereas Sirius seemed glad to have an excuse to do nothing. After a few minutes of me watching the girls scream loudly and splash water at each other, Sirius sulking about as Remus tried to coax him into learning something and Peter just watching the Snitch as if it was a large piece of candy that eluded him-  
  
“Give it a rest will you? Wormtail is drooling all over you!” Sirius said loudly.  
  
I smiled at his irritation and pocketed the Snitch hoping Peter wasn’t stung too much by the blunt words.  
  
“I’m bored,” Sirius voiced the obvious. So was I, but not for long…

I smiled, “Well, I spy with my little eyes something beginning with...  
  
_Snivellus... _

* * *

Sometimes there comes a day in a person’s life when something they did, without consequence for so long that it became easily forgivable in their conscience, suddenly results in an unpredictable and often unpleasant outcome.

In this case, taunting Severus, an art the four of us had come to perfect, hurt someone I cared about.

The most ironic part of it was that I didn’t know I cared enough until the damage was well under its way.  
  
“Evans!” I called after her as she strode quickly back to the castle. “Evans!” She didn’t even pause to look back.  
  
“Red-heads and their temper,” I turned back to the group that had gathered around me. Some of them laughed and nodded agreeing with me. But I couldn’t bring myself to laugh along as I saw in the distance Lily Evan’s hand disappear in front of her face unmistakeably to wipe at her face. Suddenly the pain on the side of my face where Snape's curse cut across my cheek seemed less important.  
  
My anger outweighed my guilt at that point and I was sure even if Lily had stayed back there was little that could have done to stop me from doing what I did next.  
“Right then,” I said loudly to the group, regaining the firm grip on my wand, “Who wants to see me charm Snivelly’s bottoms off? Literally, of course!” There was a roar of laughter and cheering from the circle that had gathered beneath Snape suspended upside down in mid-air.  
  
“Mr Potter?”  
The laughter ceased immediately and I groaned internally before turning to face the voice I knew too well.  
  
“Professor…?” I winced.

  
Her eyes flashed angrily behind her square glasses. She’d drawn herself up to her full formidable height as she surveyed us all with repugnance. I always pictured a hawk when I spoke to Professor McGonagall.  
Her accusing glare lingered for a moment on Remus who I noticed had not moved from his spot between the roots surrounded by his books. Out of respect, Remus stood up slowly and stood still with his head bent low.  
  
“If it were for you to behave as though you are not a prefect, Mr Lupin, I would think it best you weren’t one.”

  
Remus stayed silent with his head bent low. It was an inherent quality he had, he never argued but simply took all that was thrown at him. I never quite understood that about him.  
  
“It’s not his fault, Professor!” Sirius and I said, almost together. Her glare flicked towards us.  
  
“I would imagine so,” she paused and then let her eyes wander over the remainder of the group, “If the rest of you were born with an inkling of self-preservation, all of you will disperse. Immediately.”  
  
Loyal to their own skins, the gathered crowd scattered with a blink of an eye.  
  
“Would you kindly release Mr Snape?”  
  
“Certainly, Professor” I turned my wand tip down and Snape came crashing onto the floor again, lying there on the ground in a heap.  
  
“Mr Snape, if you have suffered no injuries you may go. Mr Lupin, would you kindly escort Mr Pettigrew and Mr Black back to the castle and make sure they both indulge in _diligent _study for tomorrow’s exam. Mr Potter, let’s take a walk…”

* * *

I dragged my feet slowly to the Gryffindor tower. It was late and the corridors were deserted. I was tired after the long hours of cleaning in the kitchen. If you thought the prospect of a looming OWL exam the next morning would get me out of detention, you've obviously never met Professor McGonagall.  
The last studious girls were leaving the library with tired puffy eyes to get a good night’s sleep before the exam tomorrow. At long last, I reached the seventh floor and headed towards the tower. Suddenly I heard distant voices arguing quietly about something and stopped in my tracks hiding behind a pillar. I recognised the voice that spoke next.  
  
“Why?” she asked, her voice full of hurt and humiliation.  
  
“Why am I any different from the rest of them Severus? All the people you hate so much, why am I different?”  
  
I peeked around the pillar. Severus Snape stood at the entrance to the tower stooped low under Lily Evans’ imploring gaze, his tongue tied stubbornly on the words he wanted to say.  
  
As the silence stretched on, Lily’s eyes narrowed in contempt and she turned her back on him.  
“I cannot be your friend anymore,” she said in a broken whisper. Lily pulled up the hem of her dressing gown and disappeared behind the portrait hole.  
  
As the empty portrait closed shut, the halls reverberated with the sound. I watched as Snape slowly let his hand rest on the empty painting that barred him from what lay beyond. With his head hung low his frame seemed to tremble slightly for a long moment. On any other day I would’ve unquestioningly grasped the opportunity to hex him, simply because I could, but at that moment I couldn’t bring myself to do so.  
  
For a long while Severus stood in the dimly lit hallway staring at the empty painting. Then all of a sudden he pulled himself up to his full height, blew his nose on a rather dirty handkerchief and then looked around for a moment as though he was trying to get his bearings. His abrupt behaviour surprised me but I remained still and his eyes missed my presence in the shadows.  
Snape walked off in the direction of the stairways and I stepped quietly out of the darkness.  
  
As I walked toward the portrait of the Fat Lady, I wondered about the odd feeling I had: a strange mixture of relief and empathy.  
  
_Was it possible I felt remorse for my earlier actions?_  
  
_No. It couldn’t possibly be. It wasn’t my fault! _He_ said it. _He_ deserved it._  
  
_Yes… definitely NOT my fault._  
  
“Late again, Mr Potter?” I jumped at the voice and suddenly looked up suddenly to find the Fat Lady back in her place in her portrait looking amused.  
  
I shook my head and composed myself.  
“Umm… Sorry?” I offered hesitantly. "Bluebird"  
  
She simply rolled her eyes, “I’d say ‘Don’t make a habit of it’ but -" she sighed "In you go.”  
The portrait swung forwards and I climbed in with a quick ‘Goodnight’.  
  
The common room was warm and welcoming, as I always liked it. The lamps were put out and the only light came from the fire, crackling casting a dim light over the armchairs around it. The room seemed empty. I was glad for that fact for I didn't want to be questioned about detention. Since I hadn’t gotten the time to revise for tomorrow's exam I could only hope that at least being well-rested would help.  
  
I started to unbutton my shirt as I headed for the dormitory stairs.  
  
“Did you hear us just now?”  
  
I stopped dead in my tracks. Apparently I'd missed someone in the room. Slowly turning around I saw her sitting on the steps leading up to the girl’s dormitories.  
  
Emotional crying girls always scared me. I had no idea what to say or do when they started crying and I always ended up just standing there staring at their blotched reddened faces, and judging by the nasal voice and slightly reddened eyes, Lily Evans was definitely crying.  
  
“Umm…” I started in a small voice and then I sighed and decided to go with the truth, “Yes, I heard.”  
  
She gave a stiff nod looking into the fire. I felt something I couldn’t explain as I watched her. I knew I was responsible in some way but I couldn’t find the right words to apologise properly for it. She would definitely hate me no matter what I said so I decided to go with the standard.  
  
“I…” Although I knew her reaction wouldn’t be good, I found myself naively hoping that she might overlook it, even forgive me. She merely continued to stare at the fire, its light glistening on the tear tracks upon her face.  
  
“I’m sorry it happened, I never intended for you to lose a friend. I’m sorry…” I said almost in one breath and turned my eyes to the fire too.  
  
She sighed and stood up and then made her way over to the couch in front of the fire. Lily wiped her cheek with the back of her hand silently and picked up a book she’d left there placing it on her lap. I was sure that her silence was probably the best reply I deserved but then she spoke again against all odds.  
  
“I want to blame you, Potter, I do… but maybe for the first time, it’s not your fault.”  
  
I could not believe the words she spoke. Any other person in her position would have jumped at the chance to blame me, but she didn’t. _Why?_  
  
My perplexity and curiosity kept me rooted there. Finally realising I wasn’t going to get any more answers and that it was probably best to leave,  
“I’m still sorry,” I said quietly turning again towards the staircase.  
  
“Do you want to stay?”  
  
I turned back stunned to find her looking over her shoulder at me.  
“Stay?” I voiced the word cautiously, trying to make out the expression upon the dark silhouette against the burning fire.  
  
“Yeah, you’ve been in detention, haven’t you? You haven’t had time to revise for tomorrow,” she tapped the book on her lap softly and her eyebrow arched questioningly.  
  
My face was probably a transparent veil of the confusion I felt. Never in the five years we’d spent in the same common room had Lily Evans ever suggested us spending any amount of time together. Now she wanted us to _study _together?  
  
I scratched my head trying to understand this, “Let me get this right, you want me to stay and study with you?” I asked sure that there was some sort of mistake.  
  
“Well yes,” she replied as if it was obvious what she was saying. “I can’t sleep so I’m probably going to be up the whole night and what better way to revise Transfiguration than with the one person who seems to know more about it,” she said with a slightly patronizing air to it.  
  
“You’re never going to let that one go are you?” I asked rolling my eyes at her.  
  
“Not if I can help it,” she admitted with the smallest smile hidden in the corner of her mouth.  
  
****  
  
The fire, occasionally poked, still burned warm and bright. Books lay scattered across the carpet along with bound piles of parchment notes. Half-eaten mint chocolates and cookies were littered all around us.  
  
  
I sat on the carpet with my back against the couch, one of my legs stretched out, with a copy of _Freidhausen’s Principles of Transfiguration _open on my other knee.  
We had gone through nearly all of the O.W.L past question papers and finished most of the theory. Ordinarily I would have decided to sleep three hours ago, but Lily Evans was not content. She was never content.  
  
However, I was surprised by how easily we both could get along when we were discussing a common interest. Unknown to me Lily apparently had a strong liking for Transfiguration. I had always assumed she favoured Charms since she seemed to have a natural talent for it.  
  
Lily lay on the couch just above the level of my head with her legs hanging over the armrest and a book open over her face. My eyes closed sleepily for about the fifteenth time.  
I didn’t know I could feel this tired.  
  
_… helping the transfer of vapours to solids by bypassing the liquid stage._  
  
I had read the same line several times already. Slowly massaging the muscles between my shoulder blades I extended my neck, feeling its soreness. With the rest of the castle sound asleep all I could hear was the crackling of the fire. I checked my watch. It was half-past four in the morning.  
  
“Lily?”  
  
“Mmh?” Came the sleepy reply from beneath her book.  
  
“Know what I’m thinking?” I asked closing my own book and setting it aside.  
  
“Surprise me!” the muffled sound said.  
  
“How this is definitely not the way to stay up through the night,”  
  
“Please tell me you’re not thinking of getting pissed right now!” even though the book her judgmental bossy tone was hard to miss.  
  
Having successfully annoyed her I laughed heartily, “Come on, break’s over. Rise and shine!”  
  
She groaned and finally got up swinging her legs over the armrest.  
“OW!” Her feet collided painfully with the back of my head.  
  
“Oh goodness! I’m so so sorry! Are you alright?” She sat up fast and held my head where she hit me. To be honest, it didn’t hurt that badly but I felt like milking it just the same.  
  
“No, I’m not alright! You just kicked me in the head!” I got up accusing her with a glare.  
  
Lily’s anxious expression changed to scepticism in a second. I couldn’t fool her. She folded her arms across her chest, pursed her lips with a suspicious eyebrow arched high.  
  
“What? It _did_ hurt!” I said defensively.  
  
“Well, at least you’re awake now!” she laughed going around me to collect some of the scattered notes. I narrowed my eyes at her but couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

  
She clutched my elbow as she almost lost balance when she stooped low to retrieve her books.   
My free hand ran through my hair unconsciously. She didn’t see it and that was probably a good thing, it always seemed to annoy her.  
  
“Where were we?” She asked sitting down on the floor and pushing her hair back.  
  
“Drinking?” I offered. She laughed again easily.  
I sat down again a few inches away from her. We’d never really been physically this close aside from when we were paired off at classes now and then.  
  
“Alright, next question,” she read picking up where we had left off, “ _‘Why would transfiguring pure water to wood not only be impractical but also impossible? Explain your answer.’_ Hmm…” she thought for a moment. Her brow furrowed as she stared into the fire. Her eyes reflected its glow, somehow masking the vivid green in warm golden. She searched her mind, her eyes wide as she tried to remember. I was almost lost in her transfixed image when she suddenly spoke.  
  
“Oh! Because water and wood are both of same, non-metal, category and as such transforming them into each other requires three times more energy than conjuring the individual components separately?” She said in one breath and turned to me.  
  
I really did want to nod my head and say _‘Brilliant!’_ but, instead I gave half a nod which probably looked like I was paralysed on my left side, “Impractical yes, but read carefully, the question asks why it’s_ impossible_.”  
  
Her scepticism suddenly turned into interest. I would have never bet that Lily Evans was open to discussing her mistakes, especially academic ones. I’d always thought of her as a tad self-righteous and dignified. Turned out I was wrong about a lot of things when it came to her.  
  
“You’re right, of course!” she exclaimed reading the question again. Her eyes then scrunched up as she thought hard. After a long moment, she sighed.

  
“I don’t… understand,” she said honestly looking down at the paper. I could sense she was disappointed in herself and I knew I had to be sensitive helping her with the answer.  
  
“It’s alright, it’s quite a difficult one. You see it’s a trick question,” she turned to me again with that same spark of interest. I smiled as I continued, “We know that water can be transformed into almost anything with the expansion and restructuring of its impurities right? They just put in the word ‘pure’ to make it complicated. Pure water means that the water had no impurities and could not thus be transformed, which makes it the fourth exception to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration…” I finished.  
  
She smiled nodding in agreement taking a second look at the question, “Water in its molecular form, distilled and untainted, can only be augmented, lessened, vanished or conjured but never transformed,” she recited the law to herself just loud enough for me to hear.  
  
“Precisely!”  
  
“I would’ve never thought of that! That was… impressive, James.” she smiled at me. I didn’t miss that she called me by my first name. I smiled back.  
  
“No, it wasn’t me.” I knew that generally people are more likeable if they were modest, thought I might as well give it a go, “My dad had to teach me that one. I didn’t get it either,” I confessed.  
  
“Really? Now, who would’ve thought you were the kind of boy who did O.W.L past questions?”  
She said with a hint of sarcasm.  
  
I made a face at her, she laughed. For the first time, I felt something unusual. I _wanted _to hear her laugh. I’d never had that feeling before and I was left wondering what it meant…

* * *

  
It was just the same as yesterday. The sun streamed into the room through the high windows. Beams of morning light threw patches of the Great Hall into spotlight. Soft white clouds floated around in the enchanted ceiling.  
Quills scratched, papers ruffled. Time flowed slowly.  
  
I finished the paper in good time. It was my favourite subject. Since childhood, I had avidly read everything I could find about Transfiguration. All I had to do was to make sure not to get carried away with my answers and lose track of time. Once I finished, just like yesterday, my mind wondered.  
  
I wondered about last night. Had things changed between Lily Evans and I? Were we suddenly at the turning point to a new kind of relationship?  
After last night, when we managed to spend hours in each other’s company, discussing, talking, laughing, making jokes… Could we possibly have unknowingly stumbled upon a friendship? Something that had always seemed just out of grasp for the two of us. Of course, now we knew for sure, we could tolerate one another, even be more than civil, even under such weird circumstances as last night.  
  
As I watched her a few seats in front of me she turned her parchment over and continued to write. She did not once look up. Most of the questions were fairly straight forward and nearly all of them were from topics we discussed. I wondered how she was faring. I couldn’t help but hope that last night’s revision helped in her favour.  
  
In the middle of a life-altering examination, my mind was ablaze thinking about a girl that I may or may not be friends with in the near future! I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand.  
  
What was wrong with me?  
  
“Five minutes left. Organize your papers now, please”  
  
I tricked my mind to wander far from the girl before me. My fingertips fiddled with my quill as the seconds ticked past wondering if brooms would fly better if they had feathers instead of twigs. They were definitely streamlined and literally made to fly. What would they be named…?  
  
“Time’s up, Please put your quills down” Professor Slughorn collected the papers with a wave of his wand and we were allowed to leave the hall. I got up instantly watching Evans as she collected all her belongings into a neat pile before stowing it in her bag.  
  
"Oi!” a hand clapped on my back and I turned to find Sirius standing behind me, “Hope you don’t mind but I thought I’d sneak over to the kitchens early, I’m starving!” he said in a quiet voice before hurrying off. I nodded and told him I’d catch up.  
  
Peter waved at me and followed Sirius towards the kitchens.  
  
“Something on your mind?” Remus approached tugging gently at the strap of his bag.  
“Nah, just wanted to talk to Slughorn about Potions,” I brushed off his insight.  
  
Remus laughed, “Hah! Good luck getting exam secrets outta him! I’ll see you in the common room.”  
  
“I thought we were heading out to the grounds?”  
  
He gave a half-pitying half-exasperated look, “Yeah, because that worked out extremely well yesterday?”  
  
I was suddenly and unpleasantly reminded of yesterday’s events, events that led to Lily and Snape apparently ending their long turbulent friendship, events that led to the unstable ground that Lily and I now treaded upon...   
When I looked up from my thoughts Remus was gone.  
  
I turned back to Lily. She stood beside her desk clutching her bag to her chest with her arms folded across it. A foot apart from her stood Severus Snape. My eyes narrowed as I watched them from a distance. They seemed to be arguing discreetly about something, I couldn’t be sure what. Snape looked away from her as he spoke as if she was invisible. Lily’s lip visibly trembled but she faced him defiantly. I merely stood my ground and watched the rapid exchange of words, knowing that it wasn’t my place to interfere. At the end of it, Snape handed something over to her in a tight fist. Lily looked at it for a second upon her palm and then pocketed it.  
  
Without so much as a last glance, Snape turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Lily Evans swaying on her unsteady feet. She shouldered her bag with a sombre expression and brushed her hair back, turning to leave the hall along with the last remaining students. When she looked up and saw me watching her, her eyes glanced over to Snape who was making his way over to his blood-thirsty Slytherin friends.  
It was no secret what they did when they weren’t cooped up in the Dark Arts section of the library, just that no one had caught them in the act.  
  
“What was that about?” I asked casually as Lily reached where I stood waiting.  
  
“Nothing,” she replied with a somewhat forced smile, “Severus was just returning some of my things,” her hand waved carelessly in his direction. Her tone seemed to suggest it had upset her more than she cared to let on.  
  
“Oh… Ok,” I let the matter drop and fell into stride with her as we both headed out of the Great Hall.  
  
Many students still lingered in the Entrance Hall loudly discussing their varied answers to the paper. We had to squeeze between several of them to head for the staircases.  
  
“How was the paper?” I asked her over the babble eager to change the subject since I knew she was irritated. By now I could fairly accurately recognise when Lily Evans was nearing her boiling point, having been the cause of it on many occasions.  
  
“Fine,” was all she said in reply as she continued to push through the crowd.  
  
“Question five was a good one huh? The evolution of Theory of the Matter versus-”  
  
“What do you want?” She stopped in her tracks at the foot of the marble staircase and turned to face me.  
  
I skidded to a sudden halt in front of her.  
“I’m sorry?” I asked, caught off guard.  
  
“Why are you following me, Potter? What do you want?” she asked plainly with her brow furrowed.  
  
I felt the sudden sting of unwanted company. Instantly I felt the heat rise behind my ears. I cleared my throat. “Umm, what do you mean? I thought we-”  
  
“_We_?” her eyes widened at the word as if it was offensive. Several passers-by looked at us oddly before going about their way.   
“Potter, hope you understand that yesterday night, it doesn’t change anything. We’re not friends, we can’t be! I’ve lost someone dear to me and most of that is your fault!”  
  
I’m fairly certain my jaw might have dropped open at that point.  
“Wait, I don’t understand. Yesterday you told me it _wasn’t _my fault and now you’re saying it _is_?”  
I could feel my own anger rise slowly at the irrationality and humiliation.  
  
She gave an impatient sigh, “I’m saying he wouldn’t be the person he is if it weren’t for _you_!” Her fingertip pressed slightly against my chest as she accused me.

  
“If you had stopped for ten seconds and thought about how you humiliate other people just for your own entertainment and torment them just for a pathetic laugh, then you would have noticed that people don’t greet you and adore you out of respect, they do it out of humiliation and fear. The only difference was that Severus never gave in. You’re so blinded by your so-called talents and your bravado and that stupid _‘I’m a Gryffindor! I’m better than everyone else’_ attitude that you can’t see he is MUCH braver than you ever were Potter!”  
  
Lily paused as she realised her voice had risen attracting a fair few on-lookers. She was nearly shaking. I could see the tears beginning to well up in her eyes as she looked at me. Those gleaming emerald eyes pierced me before she spoke again.  
  
“If you didn’t exist, he’d still be my friend.”


	2. Reflections

****_Lily_****  
  
Every Summer, time would fly by so fast that the return to school often caught me off-guard.  
  
I would repaint my room a new colour. Then I’d write several long letters to dorm mates, Quinn Dalton, Caitlyn Sommers, Mary McDonald, and Edith Banks and an extra-long one to my mentor, occasional big sister and my only other best friend, Alice Fairwick.  
  
Afterwards, each summer I’d spend nearly all of my time down by the park, in the shade where the two willow trees embraced each other.   
Its leaves formed a trellis that filtered the sunlight into small patches of gold while we would sit in the cool shade reading through magic well beyond our years, sometimes even beyond our understanding. That place was our own little keep.  
He would sit by me for hours and together we’d learn something new every day. Time flowed when I was with him. I envied the dusk that always came too early to steal him away from me.  
  
Severus was always ambitious. He had been so since the first day I had met him. His passion and curiosity was so contagious that I too began to have the same craving for knowledge, things I didn’t know. It was something I shared with him and him alone. I adored his love for magic. To be truly honest, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that at some point I may have even idolised him. Severus was truly his own person. In a world that bent so easily to the ideals of others, Severus strived to be unique, resilient to what people may think of him.  
  
I admired that nature he had. Nothing, _nothing_, could bring him down.  
  
But that was then. Things changed quickly in our third year. He began to befriend the wrong sort of people; Evan Rosier, Mulciber and the lot. People who were similarly opinionated and different from the rest, but unlike him, underneath their avid thirst for knowledge they lusted for control over things no one should have control upon. It worried me that Severus could not see the difference between him and the people he befriended. He insisted that they were like brothers to him and what they strived for would one day bring salvation to all like him.  
  
I could never understand how he defended their actions when Potter’s crew and their antics paled in comparison. Severus seemed to turn a blind eye and I could feel us pull further and further. As hard as I tried to hold on, they stole Severus away from me piece by piece and there was nothing I could do to stop it.   
It was a long time before he realised this and when he did. A few weeks before our OWL exams began he confronted me about us...  
  
  
  
He found me heading back to Gryffindor tower one evening, already tired and not in the mood for a chat.  
  
  
“Lily, come on... I know you have a few minutes to talk?”   
  
I turned sharply to face him in the empty corridor as the rest of the students headed down for lunch. My eyes studied him as he tried to put a small smile upon his face hiding the rest safely behind a mask he’d recently adopted.   
  
“Please?” He said in a soft voice.   
  
“I have a few minutes,” I said shortly.  
  
“Good,” his smile stretched as he walked up to me happily, “Cos I’ve been waiting to tell you about this new spell-”  
  
“Let’s start with why you weren’t in Transfiguration, shall we?”   
  
Severus’ expression instantly turned sour and he looked at me as if I was purposely trying to pick a fight.   
  
  
“Lily, please, I don’t want to argue. We haven’t really talked in a while and I… I…” he struggled and I felt myself scowl as I waited wondering why suddenly he could not admit it anymore. His eyes shifted around before he whispered, “I missed you”.  
  
I disregarded his pleading.   
“And whose fault is that? Where were you, Sev? And don’t you dare lie to me!” I warned him.  
  
“Research,” he said flatly after a moment.  
  
I sighed impatiently. “Sure,” I said through my clenched teeth. Clutching my bag I turned to leave.   
  
“Lily, what is this? Why are you so against me spending time with anyone other than you?”   
  
“Arrgh!” the frustration just escaped me as I wheeled around to face him, “I cannot believe this! Someone other than me? Severus, I don’t care who you spend your time with. I just can’t watch you waste your life with THEM!”  
  
“My friends-”  
  
“They’re the malicious pests in this _entire_ school!” I spat at him, “You could not have picked worse. They don’t care about you, Sev! How can you not see that? They only care that you can show them how to do what they need to. _They’re using you_.”  
  
  
  
Severus said nothing as he avoided my gaze.  
  
“You don’t believe me? Fine. It’s your life. It’s about time you make choices for yourself!” I looked away and picked up the books I’d dropped on the floor earlier.  
  
“What’s that supposed mean?” he asked with a hint of urgency in his voice.   
  
I paused, standing in the deserted hallway a few feet apart from my closest friend, which somehow felt like a thousand miles between us. My eyes closed accepting that I couldn’t continue being like this. I had to say it.   
I had to save him, even if it meant I had to guilt him into it.   
  
“It means I’m done fighting this battle for you, Sev. I’m done pulling you back every time you get too blinded to see where you’re heading. _I’m tired_.” I paused watching him. Severus looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. It was a deep thoughtful calculating look that unnerved me. However, I continued, “You are free to make your own choices, Sev. But you can’t have both, it’s either them or me. I will not watch you become one of them... I can’t. If you insist on being their friend, then you lose me.”  
  
I turned to leave pausing to look over my shoulder just so I could just see him out of the corner of my eye. “Forever,” I added and began to walk away from him as the possibility that he would still choose them began to choke me.   
  
I had barely taken three steps before his voice called out to me, tragic and painful.  
“Wait…”  
  
  
I couldn’t help myself. I came to a standstill and slowly turned around. He was inches from me stealing my breath in shock. I stepped back involuntarily. His eyes bore into mine for a short second and closed, his lips trembled seamlessly over an incoherent word before his eyes reopened and I was swallowed by its black abyss...  
  
_****  
I could hear Sev’s laughter in my head…   
  
It was third-year, we were best friends. There had been no problems, no evil Slytherins poisoning Sev’s mind. The scene was watery but I remembered it well. Sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast one day just before Transfiguration. Potter had tried to catapult grapes into a girl’s partially open blouse with a large silver spoon. The first two admirably went straight into her cleavage as she talked animatedly with her friend blissfully unaware but the third, by a miscalculated degree, released with excessive force and shot straight up his own nose. Severus and I both doubled up with laughter sitting over at the Slytherin table that day. _  
  
The scene began to haze and then dissolved before reforming again…_  
***_  
  
_We were sitting by the willow trees as usual in the park midway between our homes. _  
  
_“Your boyfriend could do with a bath!” Tuney spat at me as she held my red diary victim in her hand. _  
  
_“Shut up! And give it back!” I yelled at her._  
  
_“I’m just curious as to what secrets you’re hiding,” Tuney grazed the spine of my diary with a bony finger and a malicious grin._  
  
_“She said, give it back!” Severus thundered more loudly standing up. Rattled, Tuney dropped the diary onto the floor as her eyes shifted to his hand clenched over his wand in his pocket. While she was distracted I quickly leaped forward and scooped up the book. _  
  
_“You wouldn’t dare!” she said in a clearly terrified but defiant voice. _  
  
_“You should start running,” Severus smiled maliciously. I knew to call his bluff so I sat content watching. Tuney looked at me incredulously before scarpering down the dirt road falling a few times. _  
  
_“I’m telling mum!” she screamed at me when she was safely out of range but continued to run. _  
  
_The watery glaze returned reforming the image… _  
  
_***  
I was passing by a deserted hallway on my way to the library, maybe in my third or fourth year.   
  
“Why don’t you just play with your chemistry set and leave the rest of us be?” Black smirked at Severus, “It’s bad enough we need to breathe the same air as you! Then you go and follow us so you can tattle to the teachers and become their little pet! Revolting irksome little pest!”  
Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew and Black circled around him while he was held bound by thick ropes from his neck to his toes. Severus was shaking with anger, his face livid. _  
  
_“DIMITTOS!” I directed my wand at Severus and instantly he was released from the binds as I marched furiously towards the group. _  
  
_“What the HELL do you think you’re doing?”_  
  
_“Oh great! Here she comes!” Sirius said without even turning to look at me. I was fuming. My glare turned to Remus who I generally thought had some self-control. Apparently I was wrong. _  
  
_Potter turned to me with his usual half-guilty-at-being-caught-but-still-pretty-cocky grin as Severus picked himself up off the ground slowly rubbing his wrists where the ropes had cut into his flesh. _  
  
_  
“You’re such a spoil-sport, Lily” he shook his head. _  
  
_“And you’re a heartless bully!” I shoved him aside forcefully and pulled Severus away with me. _  
  
_“He’s not worth your time, Evans!”   
We both cursed at Potter under our breath as we rounded the corner. Severus pulled his arms free from me and walked faster. I tried to keep up._  
  
_“Sev!”_  
  
_“Lily,” he spun around sharply and I nearly skidded on the polished marble before coming to a standstill in front of him, “I didn’t need saving...Not from you” _  
  
_“I... I was just trying to help!”_  
  
_“Well, you didn’t! All it was, was showing off for Potter!”_  
  
_Stung I recoiled from him._  
  
  
  
_“Mulciber is right!” Severus spat scathingly, “They’ll only respond to their own medicine.” He turned away and left without another word leaving me standing there hurt and fighting tears.  
***_  
  
  
  
_***  
We were on the train. Me, Severus, Remus Lupin, Adrian Flint and Abbey Morgan. Severus and I were friends again. The arguments forgotten over a long summer together with no one to interfere.  
I hugged Severus when I saw the gleaming silver badge on his chest that said ‘Prefect’ on it. His blush was contrastingly memorable on his usually pale face. _  
  
_***  
It was past noon. The sun warm and bright shone over the school courtyard as we walked across it after lunch. I was arguing with him because of something I’d heard about what that horrible Mulciber had done to Mary. He countered saying Potter and his friends weren’t saints either. I was surprised that he could not only tolerate but defend the evilness of his friends. _  
  
_Potter's antics were nothing compared to his so-called 'friends'. But Potter had recently made a mess of things and I wasn’t too forgiving._  
  
_***  
We’d won the Quidditch match against Slytherin last year, I was cheering with the rest of the team. Remus had his arm around me and we were both singing a victory song the Gryffindors themselves had invented. I’d met Severus later that day. He didn’t want to talk to me… as an explanation, he offered that I’d become a turncoat! Becoming just like the rest of them! All because I’d supported my friends and my house…   
We didn’t speak for a week.   
***_  
  
_I was crying myself to sleep. Another day. Another fight. _  
  
_***  
Potter was driving me insane at Potions pretending to forget every instruction as we were paired together. He used me as entertainment whenever he was bored. But I remember looking at his satisfied smirk and thinking, ‘At least he doesn’t actually hurt people…’ My mind kept racing to horrid pictures of death eater illustrations in the Prophet earlier that day. I wished I could find a way to snatch Severus back the same way those horrible Slytherins snatched him away from me. _  
  
_***_  
  
My knees began to shake and I knew that Severus was pulling my thoughts to him more forcefully. I couldn’t break the trance he had me in. I didn’t know how to break a connection with a Legilimens. I was defenceless…  
  
_***   
It was late at night. The library was almost empty. Potter sat at a table organising the books left behind by the students while I sat on a stool overlooking his detention. He made small talk and when I didn’t respond he began to comically imitate me in a high-pitched lofty voice giving replies to his own comments. _  
  
_“So, Lily I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime? Say Three Broomsticks next Saturday at seven?” _  
  
_“Potter, just go jump out of the Astronomy tower if you please!” He replied with his imitation of me._  
  
_I laughed involuntarily. He turned abruptly to me, not expecting it. Regretting giving incentive for him to continue, I looked away…_  
  
_***_  
  
_I was in the stands with Quinn and Edith on either side of me watching the Quidditch game against Ravenclaw. They were a good team but I knew we could beat them. Sirius took a loop around the pitch whizzing past us. Quinn gave a roaring cheer and I rolled my eyes. James streaked past next with the Quaffle tucked under his arm. He was swarmed though, with all three Ravenclaw chasers on his tail. Sirius’s intervening managed to shove away one of them. James was six feet from the goal post, he had to shoot now! He abruptly turned his broom up and climbed fast leaving two confused Ravenclaws behind him wondering where he’d gone. By the time they had figured it out James had zoomed back in behind them and scored! I immediately jumped to my feet and cheered at the impressive goal! Edith and Quinn looked at me sheepishly as I blushed and sat back down._  
  
_***_  
  
_“Mr Potter, since you so compassionately decided to sleep during my last lesson would you please join Ms Evans on the front bench?” Professor McGonagall scowled as James shuffled his way to the back of the class. _  
  
_With a heavy sigh, Potter slumped into the empty seat next to mine. I groaned internally. Something about him really got on my nerves and with OWLs so close I didn’t want to lose my concentration in class. Revision classes were especially important._  
  
  
  
_We were each handed a small box with a white mouse in it. While I proceeded to turn mine into a fluffy pin cushion in under five minutes, when I turned I found James Potter snoozing with his head balanced on his elbow while his mouse fed on pieces of a cracker he’d provided. I stared at him disbelievingly at how someone could feel so relaxed with exams just around the corner.   
His eyes opened again and he stared back at me with a vacant stupor, “You look pretty!” _  
  
_I arched my eyebrow wondering what on earth he’d had for breakfast.  
“You should put your mouse back in the box at least,” I commented. _  
  
_“What!?” James sat up so fast his mouse scurried over to my table in fright._  
  
_He looked down at his pants and double-checked his zipper at which point I realised he’d taken the wrong meaning of my words but decided the expression on his face was worth not correcting him. I laughed hysterically as his face turned bright red. _  
  
_“Very funny, Evans! Hilarious!” _  
  
_“You have no idea!”_  
  
_***_  
  
_Three weeks later, the same classroom, a different day. OWLs to follow in a week…_  
  
_Having finished my tasks before the time permitted, my eyes wandered. Suddenly from the benches in front of me, James Potter turned over his shoulder to check the wall clock behind me. Our eyes met… he smiled. A very different, almost genuine smile for a change. And for some reason, I smiled back. _  
  
_Even Potter himself seemed to find it odd, but his smile stretched in pleasant surprise and his eyebrow arched upwards questioningly. He looked at the perfect teacup and saucer sitting on my desk in front of me, matching patterns and all, and gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled wider, nodding curtly to acknowledge it.   
His ever-iridescent eyes crinkled as he beamed. I envied his pearly-whites as he grinned and I found myself unable to deny that it made him look so…_  
  
_*** _  
  
“Eurrgh!” Severus pulled away from me in disgust. I shook my head trying to find my way back to reality, staggering back as I surfaced from the memories he’d trapped me in only to find his face livid and his expression murderous. I swallowed knowing exactly what had upset him. My face flushed hot. I couldn’t believe Severus would rake though my brain like that! That wasn't fair!  
What he discovered, however, was far worse, but he was mistaken! I had no feelings for Potter! I DIDN'T! It wasn't true!  
  
His black eyes were cold and haunting as they glared at me.  
  
“Sev-”  
  
“Shut up!” he spat at me. “Don’t lie to me anymore!” he turned away from me making me recoil from him as his hatred turned for the first time on me.  
  
I began to break apart right there in front of him, “It’s not like that, Sev, listen to me!”  
  
He turned back to me with the same ghastly expression, “_How could you?_” his hands stiffened into spider-like claws as if trying to strangle the air inches from my neck. “_How. Could. You?_” his voice was a mere whisper, but I had never been more terrified of it.   
“Him? You said… You never… How _could_ you?”  
  
“No… I swear I _never_-”  
  
“Enough!”  
  
  
_Mudblood._  
  
  
The word ran through me like an icicle, piercing my heart and soul. Even after more than two weeks, that word in his voice made me shiver unpleasantly.  
  
Severus had been such a big part of my life but he’d also hurt me, broken me in a way I couldn’t bring myself to heal. He was gone now. The whole he left behind in my life was wide and painful, a memory that still managed to reduce me to tears.  
  
I swallowed and picked up the brush in my shaking hand biting back my tears. The bristles of my paint brush glided over the lilac walls of my room as I tried to paint them yellow, possibly in the hope it would light up the gloomy corners of my heart.  
  
In his absence, the days moved slowly making me realise how entwined our young lives had been. We were almost inseparable since the time I found out what I was and Severus had introduced me to the wonders of the magical world before I’d even taken a step inside it. But now without him, the time that stood still was a constant reminder of what I had lost, what had become of us. All I had left now to do was to paint the long hours away.  
  
On top of it all where Severus left me, leaving my heart sore and wounded, James Potter came into it, crushing me with guilt at the memory of the last words I said to him.   
I rarely did anything that truly hurt anyone, so I seldom had the needed to apologise. But now I knew, I had hurt someone with my words. Someone who didn’t deserve it although I’d led myself to believe so long enough. He had been unkind to Severus on many occasions since we started at Hogwarts, but he had tried to apologise, possibly even make amends…   
I used him and then when he trusted me to let his guard down, I became cold and mirthless. I’d hurt him…  
  
A shiver ran down my spine as I thought of myself at my worst. How could I be so selfish? I was no better than all I accused James Potter of being. In fact, what I had done was far worse.  
It was time to apologise but I wasn’t strong enough yet to face the boy I’d grown up despising, let alone apologise to him!  
Yet, even as we convince ourselves otherwise, consider the ‘other option’, a better course of action or finally resign and take the easy way out, unbeknown to us, fate often has other plans.  
  
***  
  
“LILY!” my sister's screech came through the open door of my room.  
  
We both hated the holidays for the exact same reason. Each other.  
Living across the small corridor from her room, all throughout the holidays I had to endure snide remarks about my school, how my friends and I were ‘freaks’ with an inborn deformity and how this school was just a pretence to isolate us from the rest of humankind. Talk about sour grapes.   
It was also the reason I kept Christmas and Easter holidays very short, never exceeding more than a week. I only even returned because I missed my parents very much while I was away. Mum often complained of not having me around for New Year's but such was the price of having a neurotic jealous sister.  
  
After a few years of trying to reconcile with her, I finally gave up. Now we spent the few weeks we had to live under the same roof trying to tolerate each other.  
  
“I TOLD YOU NEVER TO GIVE OUR ADDRESS TO YOUR FREAKY FRIENDS! COME DOWN HERE AT ONCE!” she yelled up the stairs at the top of her voice.  
  
I groaned and dropped the paintbrush onto the tray. Petunia made a huge spectacle whenever an owl came into our kitchen. All she wanted was an excuse to pick a fight. She still hadn’t forgiven our parents for accepting me as a witch, something she decided was unforgivably abnormal once she’d been rejected from joining Hogwarts.  
  
I hurried downstairs before she could set fire to the letter. She was waiting at the foot of the stairs with her arms crossed over her chest, her face contorted looking daggers at me.  
  
“That’s a really nice look on you Tuney, hope it sticks!” I said sarcastically as I reached her, earning a scathing look.  
  
“What in God's name is _that_?” she asked pointing her bony finger at the window sill. I rolled my eyes.  
  
I walked over to the windowsill and beckoned the owl forward. It fluttered onto our kitchen table and held out its leg for me. I could hear Tuney hiss and scurry over to the end of the dining room.  
  
“Don’t be such a clot, Tuney! Owls come each year to our house and you still manage to have a stroke each time you see them!” I said both annoyed and angry at my sister’s act and untied the letter from the owl’s leg. The moment I’d set him free of the letter, it flew out the window, possibly feeling the hostility from my sister’s end.  
  
I didn’t even look at her face as I walked out onto the porch and sat on the lawn chair. My fingers ripped through the envelope in a hurry already recognising the writing on the address. I pulled out a short piece of parchment and I could feel a pout on my lips as I’d expected more. Regardless I read quickly through the round minuscule handwriting.  
  
_My dear Lily,  
I got your letter. So sorry that the summer proves to be so difficult and I’m sorry to hear about Severus. There is much to discuss Lils and I hope you can meet me in Diagon Alley to do so. I will be coming back to London next Saturday and will be spending a few days in the Leaky Cauldron while I’m meeting a few friends. I do hope you can make it. How about Saturday for lunch?   
I’ve missed you so much already. Hope to see you there.  
Love and hugs, Alice._  
  
A very predictable joyous smile spread across my face as I read. Just what I needed.

* * *

  
** ** _ James _ ** **   
  
My eyes snapped open.   
I’d woken up suddenly from another intense dream. Something about falling off a speeding broom. I shook my head to dislodge the disturbing thought and looked around. The morning light streamed into my room through the windows playing across the ceiling.   
  
I got up and reached blindly for my glasses on the bedside table squinting against the brightness. Once I found them and managed to push them into place the room came into clearer view.   
  
_Crack._   
  
Tibbs the elf appeared next to my bed. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed just as he bowed low making his batty ears fall over his head. It was useless telling Tibbs he didn’t need to courtesy, he never listened anyway.   
  
“Your morning juice, Master Potter!” Tibbs hovered the tray over his head.   
  
“Thank you, Tibbs,” I picked up the juice and set it on the bedside table, “Please wake Sirius up if you don’t mind,” I said as I picked a clean navy t-shirt out of one of the drawers and pulled it over my head. Remembering a vital piece of information I suddenly turned back, “Oh and Tibbs, please try  _not_ to give him a heart attack?”   
  
“Tibbs will do his best, Master,” the elf squeaked and vanished with another crack.   
  
I picked up the juice and took two gulps.   
At the Black Manor, Mrs Black ordered elves to remain out of sight and sound as much as possible. They were also forbidden to use Elf magic within the house. It was cruel really, to take away the one thing they could use to make their lives at least a bit better. As such it made Sirius jump whenever Tibbs Apparated next to him. Even after nearly two weeks spent in the Potter Manor since he’d run away and gotten himself emancipated, he wasn’t still quite used to it…   
  
_Crack._   
  
“WHAT THE FU-. TIBBS!!!”   
  
I choked on my juice. Still bloody hilarious.   
  
***   
I was outside my room leaning against the baluster overlooking the foyer when Sirius wrenched open the door beside mine and stormed out swinging it shut loudly behind him.   
  
“I swear that elf is going to kill me someday!” He was buttoning up a white shirt, his hair still dripping onto his shoulders. I was surprised he was still miffed after a shower but Sirius wasn’t one to let go easily. I smiled to myself.   
  
“What are you up to?” he asked curiously joining me at the marble banister and looking down at the vast clearing below where house-elves scurried about readying the breakfast table.   
  
We often found ways to entertain ourselves that sadly didn’t agree well with those on the receiving end. On that particular day it was throwing grapes at a portrait of Great Uncle Bernard downstairs who, to our great amusement searched vehemently for his attacker(s) squinting through his monocle looking thoroughly exasperated. Sirius gleefully joined in borrowing some grapes from me.   
  
“James! Sirius!” my mother’s voice called up to us, “Would you both come down to the kitchens? Quickly!”   
  
I looked at Sirius questioningly. He stared blankly back at me.   
  
“Whatever it is, I wasn’t involved!” Sirius said raising his hands up in defence and dropping the grapes he was holding. I laughed at his attempts to convince me of his innocence.   
  
“What is it, mother?” I called back.   
  
“There are some owls over here...” came the reply.   
  
Sirius visibly relaxed and we both made our way down the stairs.    
“I think your OWL results are here!”   
  
Both of us froze on the steps.    
“What?”   
  
“Already!?”   
  
“No way!"   
  
"It's only been two weeks!"   
  
"I know I failed Astronomy!” Sirius said shaking his head.    
  
I looked at him oddly, "So? It’s Astronomy!"   
  
"In case you didn't notice Potter, my entire family's named after blooming stars! Astronomy is a pretty big deal for the Black's"   
  
I laughed, "Well in case _you_ didn't notice, you're not exactly a Black anymore! In this household where Astronomy is concerned," I slapped a hand my best friend's shoulder, "trust me, you're off the hook!"    
  
Sirius laughed.    
  
"You know McGonagall will feed us to the Giant Squid if we fail Transfiguration!"    
  
“Fail? She’ll have us hanged if we get anything below an Exceeds Expectations!”   
  
We debated on who’d done worse all the way to the kitchens where my mum sat at the large oak table, already laden with a full English breakfast. She folded the Daily Prophet she was reading when she heard us approach and turned around to face us.   
  
“There you are!” she smiled warmly.   
  
I returned the smile a little unsurely. This was actually the first determining exam I’d had to retell the results to my parents for, I wasn’t sure how they’d take it if I didn’t do well. My mind was already concocting a ridiculous scenario of me leaving school early to join Dad at his business. I looked past mum at the large owl perch that sat in the corner, by the windows of the well-lit kitchen. Sure enough, there were two handsome tawny owls sitting there with their letters.   
  
“Breakfast?” mum pulled my attention to her again.   
  
“Umm...” I deliberated, between my hunger and my nerves, “No, thanks. I think we’ll get the gut-wrenching over with first!”   
  
“Oh come now,” she held my shoulder as I made to move past her, “We know you gave it your best effort. That is what truly matters.”   
  
I gave her a patronising smile, “So if I get all Trolls, you’ll still be happy it was my best effort?” I asked, blinking innocently. Sirius snickered behind me.   
  
Mum rolled her eyes, “You’re not going to get all Trolls!” she assured.    
  
“That’s a ‘No’ then. Thanks, Mum!” I nodded and headed to the owl perch with Sirius in tow.   
  
“Mate, I just want you to know. If I’ve failed everything I’m transferring to Durmstrang!” Sirius said swallowing nervously.   
  
“I’m right there with you!”   
  
We untied our letters and opened them together. I pulled out the sheet of parchment hurriedly and read.    
  
_ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS_   
  
_Pass grades :   
Outstanding (O)  
Exceeds Expectations (E)  
Acceptable (A)_   
  
_Fail grades:  
Poor (P)  
Dreadful (D)  
Troll (T)_   
  
_JAMES ALEXANDER POTTER HAS ACHIEVED_   
  
_Charms: Outstanding  
Transfiguration: Outstanding  
Herbology: Exceeds Expectations  
Defence Against the Dark Arts: Outstanding  
Potions: Outstanding  
Astronomy: Exceeds Expectations   
History of Magic: Acceptable_   
  
_Ancient Runes: Outstanding  
Magical Languages: Outstanding  
Care of Magical Creatures: Exceeds Expectations  
Elemental Magic and Deciphering: Outstanding_   
  
As I read and reread quickly I calmed. My dreams weren’t dead. _Yet. _   
A smile spread slowly on my face and I looked up to find my mum beaming at me from afar, already having read my expression. Mums are intuitive that way I suppose.   
  
I turned to Sirius who was scanning his paper with an unremarkable expression. When he was done he held out his paper for me wordlessly and we swapped our results. Sirius had done equally well, despite not sitting through half the revision sessions that Remus had organised for the four of us, even going as far as to score a questionable Outstanding for Astronomy. He had always been a naturally bright kid.   
  
Mum stared at us expectantly as we looked up, “Well?” she prompted.   
  
I shrugged and smiled, “We did alright, mum!”   
  
“Oh! Thank Merlin!” she rushed to us and embraced both of us. “I’ve been so afraid since you boys love that bloody broomstick more than anything else in the world! I was scared you’d neglected your studies-”   
  
“Hey! I played Quidditch and I knocked down seven OWLs just fine!”   
  
“Dad!”   
  
Mum released me and I was swept up by a one-armed hug from my father.    
“Well done Son, we’ve never been more proud.”   
  
He placed his hands on my shoulders pulling back looking at me intently and in his eyes, I read just that.   
“Be proud of yourself for your achievements. Both of you!” he pulled me and Sirius who was beginning to awkwardly back away into a tight hug once more.   
  
“Enjoy it now, go on!” he released us and smiled, ruffling up my already messy hair.   
  
Dad was always a ridiculously jovial person who I could not imagine being serious about anything. He was a dreamer and yet he did all the cool things. He aced his OWLS and NEWTs, played Quidditch for Gryffindor, stole my mum off a bloke three years older than him, invented a business just out of school and quadrupled the family wealth, built a mansion that had all my mum’s favourite things ‘cause nothing like that was available to buy, became a board member for Hogwarts but left when I joined probably because he knew he’d be getting an earful each week from McGonagall. He wasn’t just _my_ hero growing up. Kids wanted to be just like him and I grew up always sharing him with the world. Still, I felt an intense loyalty to him that I could only parallel with the love I had for my mother. They were everything to me and they were happy. That was more than enough for me.    
Sirius and I looked at each other in high spirits. I hadn’t felt this good in a while.   
  
“You know there’s only one place in London we can celebrate properly right?”   
  
“Diagon Alley it is!” I smirked.

* * *

  
  
** ** _ Lily _ ** **   
  
We were sitting inside a small coffee shop in Diagon Alley after lunch. The street outside was still busy with people doing their daily shopping. Inside, however, was mostly quiet and empty apart from a wizened couple a few tables away.   
  
“Thank you,” Alice said politely as the waiter served her a second cup of coffee. He smiled and nodded before handing me my own and leaving us. I sipped my coffee slowly. After lunch, I didn’t really want anything else but I couldn’t pass up a cup when Alice ordered hers.   
  
“I still can’t believe Severus would say something like that!” she shook her head with her brow furrowed at the centre. Alice had known Severus for as long as she’d known me. She was a third-year when both of us joined Hogwarts and I’d followed her around most of that year learning anything I could and she was kind enough to let me. They’d never been friends Alice and Severus, but he respected her.   
  
“I’m sorry for the part James played in all of it. He can be a little... short-sighted at times...” she said looking at me as I put two lumps of sugar in my cup, “I know you won’t hear a word of it, but he is a good one.” She insisted.   
  
I could sense the earnestness in her voice though I avoided her eyes. She’d always been partial to James. They were family friends since they were very young. I gave her a small flickering smile.   
  
Alice reached out and placed a hand on mine, “Lily... you’re different. What’s really bothering you?”    
Apart from Severus she was the only one who knew me more than I knew myself. I couldn’t hide much from her.   
  
She sighed at my silence, “I know Severus was your best friend and losing someone like that is-”   
  
“It’s not that,” I finally said.   
  
“Then what is it?”   
  
I sighed heavily. Admitting it to myself was one thing. But saying it out loud was another.    
“What happened... Sev... It hurts horribly, sure... but right now I’m the one I can’t forgive!” I turned to her and Alice looked back at me with a mixture of confusion and concern in her eyes. She was always so caring. I felt like I could tell her anything. Everything I had reflected upon since school had ended came flooding back to me.   
  
“Alice, I have to tell you something,”   
  
She waited patiently, squeezing my hand gently.   
  
“It wasn’t James that made him say that word, it was me.” I bit down on my jaws as the memory refreshed.   
  
“What do you mean?” she asked softly.   
  
I retold her everything about the arguments that Severus and I had before the exams began and how he had used Legilimency against me to filter through my memories finally finding one he could use to blame me for betraying him instead of the other way around.   
  
I looked up at her dark brown eyes that empathised with me.   
  
“He was just so angry at me... and when I tried to defend him against James hoping I’d get a chance to talk sense into him-”   
  
_Mudblood._

  
The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. His voice had held such a powerful hatred. Something I’d never received from him.   
  
“That’s when he said it...” Alice voiced my thoughts.   
  
I nodded sadly.   
  
“I see,” Alice said slowly, “I’m so sorry, Lils. It was  _not _ your fault! I’m afraid he just was his  _worst_ self that day. ” She said calmly taking another sip from her cup. "That was horrible of him!"   
  
“Yeah, but so was I...” I said thoughtfully staring into my cup.   
  
“How do you mean?’   
  
“That night, after I told Severus our friendship was over. I couldn’t sleep. I was a mess, I was crying and lost and...angry. You wouldn’t believe who got me through that night.”   
  
Alice waited, her face expectant.   
  
“James Potter.”   
  
Her eyebrows travelled up her forehead in surprise. I could literally see her lips part as her jaw subtly dropped open. “ _James_ _Potter_ ?”   
  
I nodded. “I asked him to study with me. I can never for the love of me understand  _why_ ! But I know that I wasn’t angry at him! Because inside I knew it wasn’t his fault... it just wasn’t” I swallowed reliving it, “I’ve been thinking back these past two weeks and I couldn’t come up with a single instance that I had been nice to him. Genuinely nice. I’ve never even been much polite to him.”   
  
Alice smiled sympathetically as my self-repugnance surfaced.   
  
“Alice, he was  _so_ nice to me, I didn’t even deserve it! He actually sat through that night reading through Transfiguration notes and doing OWL past papers with me when he could have written that paper blindfolded!” The guilt I felt was threatening to overpower me.   
  
“So that’s a good thing, Lil! You can both be polite to each other and just let go of all this.”   
  
“Oh, I wish. The next day after Transfiguration, Severus came up to me. He gave me this silver medallion I got him from Hogsmeade in third-year. He said I should have it back because I didn’t want him in my life anymore. Cheap of him, I thought. Anyway, I refused to take it and he shoved it into my hand and just left. I was unnerved and upset. I was barely holding it together and then James!” I stopped.   
  
“Oh no,” Alice predicted, “What did you say to him?”   
  
I bit down on my lip as I could feel even her pure heart judge my horrible actions.   
“I basically told him that I wished he didn’t exist!”   
  
Alice closed her eyes gravely.   
  
“I know! I know! I’m such an awful  _awful _ person!” I cried out hysterically making a waiter look at us alarmed. Alice instantly put her hand on my shoulder and soothed me. I took a deep breath and swallowed to compose myself.   
  
“Lily...”   
  
“I know..." I sighed and I drew another deep breath, "I have to apologise.” This would be so much easier if I didn’t have the conscience of what a bitch I’d been hanging in the back of my mind.   
  
I wondered if James would respond to a letter after what I’d said to him. _This would be so much easier if I didn’t have the conscience of what a bitch I’d been hanging in the back of my mind_, I thought.   
  
My heart started beating on double-speed at that. He’d surely be cursing me right now, why in the world would he agree to meet me?   
  
“Well, I think that’s very mature of you,” Alice commended, “and very brave.” A small smile was playing in the corner of her mouth when I turned to her.   
  
“What?” I asked failing to grasp what had amused her.   
  
“Well,” she paused and set her cup down, “I’m just glad to be witnessing this,” she smiled.   
  
When my confusion did not clear she pointed out of the coffee shop window. My self-calming routine hit a snag and my breath hitched. Across the street, two boys walked along the pavement as thick as thieves. Laughing heartily at his best friend's joke was none other than James Potter himself.   
  
_Oh bugger. _   
  



	3. Forgive and Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey," he said with a playful smile upon his lips. 
> 
> I said nothing.
> 
> "Didn't think you'd come down. Thought I might have to climb up to your window!"

** _ Lily _ **

_Oh this is not good. Why did I wear this stupid salmon pink dress, it clashes horribly with my hair!_

_Alright sure,that’s the main thing to focus on! ‘Cos clearly he’s going to be wondering why you’re wearing pink, not why you’d want to talk after telling him the world’s better off without him!_

I crossed the road nervously fidgeting with the hem of my dress and my hair and my watch and my purse… 

_Ok enough!_

I looked back over my shoulder at the coffee shop to see Alice grinning at me through the window with a double thumbs-up.

_Clueless clot! _I rolled my eyes.  
  
The Potter-Black duo was a few feet ahead of me, both wearing matching white collared shirts and a carefree spirit. Funny how often they seemed to wear things that matched.  
  
Suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks making an old man with a goatee bump into me painfully. He walked around me muttering something about watching where I walked. I breathed carefully, staring at the back of an unmistakable mess of black hair.  
  
_What the hell do I say to him?_  
  
I swallowed collecting myself.   
This shouldn’t be too hard. 

_Dammit Lily, it’s an apology! You’re not the Pope addressing the masses! Get a hold of yourself!_

I watched as Sirius ahead nudged James with his elbow with a significant look. James followed his gaze curiously (as did I) to find a rather balding middle-aged man crouched on the pavement a few feet ahead of them, busy tying his shoelaces. In his mouth, he held the leash of his young bullmastiff. I hadn’t seen many dogs in Diagon Alley before and wondered if the man was lost.

“Mr Potter, wouldn’t you call that a big mistake?” Sirius asked his mate with a wide grin.

“I concur Mr Black, that’s really not smart!” James replied with an identical smirk.

Sirius pulled out his wand slowly and directed it at the man. I was about to jump in and stop him from hurting the poor chap when Sirius uttered the incantation.   
_“Cattus appareo”_

_Huh?_

I froze just behind the two boys as a small black and white cat appeared a few feet before the dog. The mastiff tensed, his ears perking up at the site of the cat, who hissed loudly. Its sudden appearance seemed to have startled him but he began to growl warningly tugging slightly on the leash in his owner’s mouth.

James tried to hold back his laughter as Sirius smirked wider, “And losing his teeth in three... two.... one!” Sirius counted off his fingers.

Without warning, the dog barked loudly lurching forward at the cat pulling the bewildered man forward by his teeth. The cat screamed loudly and scarpered across the paved road making the dog promptly chase after it barking madly and pulling the poor dumbstruck man behind him.

I stood behind the boys shaking my head as they doubled up with laughter, although in all honesty, it was hilarious to watch. _The things they get away with!_

“That was a little cruel don’t you think?” I said trying to curb my amusement.

They both turned to me in surprise.   
“Well well, if it isn’t Little Red!” smirked Black, “Where’s the picnic basket?”

The same joke for nearly four years. I gave him a look, “Your mother ate it!”

“Whoa now!” Sirius smirked raising an eyebrow in mock offence, “Aggressive today Evans!”   
I chose to ignore it. 

“That wasn’t very nice, Red. You shouldn’t call my mother a wolf,” Sirius said in feigned disapproval, “Although they are related species-wise…” he deliberated thoughtfully scratching his chin.

I rolled my eyes. He sure liked to show off his knowledge of muggle stories. Instead of replying I turned to James trying to keep things on point. My stomach flipped over uncomfortably.

“Umm… James? May I have a word?… Alone?” I blurted quickly before I could overthink it.

James who had so far been smiling bemusedly at his friend turned sharply to me. He seemed slightly shocked at being addressed so directly. I might as well have asked him for his kidney. Awkwardly I shifted my glance to Sirius who was watching both of us with a grin. He was evidently enjoying himself.

“Oh right, that’s my cue!” Sirius said in response to my pointed stare.

James smiled at him unapologetically as he clapped him on the shoulder and muttered something that sounded remarkably like, “Let me know how it goes?” before crossing the road and heading down a side street.

“All right, then?” James was watching me with a questioning look and a soft smile.

“Umm…” I pulled on the strap of my handbag, “Are you headed that way?” I suddenly pointed down the road.

He looked over his shoulder, “Yeah, actually I am.”

“Great, me too. Shall we?”

“Sure,” Despite his thoroughly confused look, he stood back politely allowing me to pass before falling into step with me. I wasn’t used to James Potter being polite. Arrogant, haughty, cheeky? Yes, definitely. But not, quiet, silent and polite.

I noticed himslide his hands into his trouser pockets. We walked silently side by side as people bustled past us along the busy road.   
I was usually a lot more talkative. Usually I knew exactly what to say to Potter before he even approached me. Usually it was something along the lines of “Please say something more intelligent than ‘All right, Evans?” or “Did a broom whack you in the head lately?” Never._ NEVER._ Something like “I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings James I didn’t mean to call you a waste of space!”

_Maybe I should just say that and be done with this. Like ripping off a plaster. _

_Alice will send you right back here! _

_Damn you, Conscience._

“Are you alright?”

My head snapped up at the sound of his voice. I put on the most charismatic smile I could muster at that point. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“Well, you were frowning at the pavement.”

_And smile gone._ “Oh…right. Well, I was just thinking”

He nodded as if to say, _'That explains it.'_

I sighed as we resumed walking. Forget Alice entirely, it wasn’t enough that I apologise to him. I needed to know he forgave me for my heartless words. I could barely function with this constantly hovering around the back of my head. It was odd, yes. But I can’t handle hurting someone so callously, even someone as pretentious and obnoxious as James Potter.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked out of the blue.

I gave a short flickering smile still counting the cobblestones on the pavement.   
“What are you two doing here today?” I asked instead.

“Pad- err-Sirius wanted to celebrate. OWLs you know. Spent half the morning talking him out of buying a solid-gold lunascope!”

I gave a weak chuckle as he laughed openly. 

_He’s talking about OWLs? So Fates have decided not to allow me to worm my way out of this._

“You?” he asked before the silence could settle again.

“Just wanted to check out a few books for next year.”

_No, I didn’t. Just happened to see the sign of ‘Flourish and Blotts’ right then._

“Oh, so Flourish and Blotts?”

_Obviously. _I nodded with another forced smile.

James Potter followed me into the store just as the bell rang somewhere inside the shop. Several assistants were helping prospective buyers with some choices of books. I headed deep into the store while James lingered at the display desk at the front possibly giving me room alone.

My hands sifted through the familiar stacks of books I’d frequented during my many visits to the shop. In truth I was procrastinating, my eyes constantly peeking at James through thin spaces between the thick leather-bound volumes. He was flipping through a short thick red-velvet-bound book seemingly interested. I pulled out several books and thought since I’d have to buy them anyway, might as well do it now.

“Dagamor’s Account of Charmwork is our bestseller!” piped a young assistant next to me making me jump. Her round eager face peered at me with a smile. “Starting sixth-year at Hogwarts, then?”

“Err…Yes” I nodded.

She pulled several more books off different shelves and handed them to me. “Now for Transfiguration, this is what everyone uses.”

I turned the thick volume right way up with some struggle and read the title: ‘_Transfiguration: The Next Step’ by Darius Flockner._

“Also you’ll want this if you’re starting DADA too?”

“Ah, yes I am,” I said staggering slightly under the weight of the books as she added another two volumes to the pile. The topmost read _“The Dark Creatures Exposed by Professor Isaac Everett Dumas”_

A soft chuckle came from behind, “Need help?”

“Yes please!” I exclaimed. As much as it was awkward to be around James, I wanted to get rid of the over-enthusiastic young shop assistant.

“We’re covered here, thanks so much for the help,” James said politely and she nodded with a wide smile and unless I’m much mistaken _curtseyed _before leaving us.

James waited until she was out of earshot before letting out a small laugh, “Must be an intern.”

“I thought I’d have to buy the entire store! It’s not fair you know if I’d said what you just said she’d have thought I was being very rude! How do you do it?” I asked as he took some of the heavier books off my arms.

“I smile, genuinely. Might want to try it sometime,”

_Ouch._

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him as I noticed his eyes sparkle with the same mischievous glint from his earlier prank.

“Oh you don’t need this, this is utter rubbish!” James put the heavy Transfiguration book back on the shelf. Since it was twice the size of my Oxford Dictionary I didn’t complain!

“Try this instead,” James reached automatically to the top of the shelf labelled ‘Transfiguration’ and blindly pulled out a book, at which point my brain registered two things.   
One, James was much taller than I’d assumed at a glance, and two, the place was almost as familiar to him as it was to me, meaning James had frequented the bookstore too.

I wondered for a moment what else I was wrong about him…

The book he handed me was a small, almost pocket-sized, dark green leather-bound book. Two gold wands were crossed beneath the title that read,_ Essence of Transfiguration: The Secrets of the Forte._

“Thanks!”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled at me.“So you’re taking Transfiguration next year?”

“Err well yeah, I thought I might,” I said swallowing uncomfortably feeling myself go pink in the face as I bustled over to the counter and hurriedly paid for my books. James said nothing more as we exited the store and looked around.

The sky was streaked with brilliant orange. My stomach flipped nervously as I realised my window of time was closing fast.

As we continued to walk along the pavement (James insisting on carrying two of the four bags from the bookshop) I spotted several familiar faces from school also doing their shopping. Yet I was slightly alarmed at the wide-eyed bizarre looks they were all giving me.

Confused, I checked my reflection on the window panes of _Plantasia Herbs_ until I heard James chuckling next to me.   
“It’s not you,” he said calmly looking directly at the next passer-by.

“You noticed it too?”

“’ Course”

“Well? Why are they staring?”

It was his turn to stare at me now as if I was missing something obvious. “You’re joking?”

I shook my head confused. A crooked smile twisted into the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I reckon, you and I walking along the road together with shopping in our hands probably makes them think they are hallucinating!”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “It wasn’t that bad, was it? Not always?”

“Mostly always” he grinned.

I didn’t know what he was thinking. But while I ran the words I now had to say in my head my mind constantly kept distracting me, possibly because I hated not knowing what he’d say in reply.

“Ah, there’s Sirius!” James suddenly exclaimed. At the far end of the street opposite, Sirius was talking to two girls. One I recognised to have left school a few years ago.

“James!” I said hurriedly making him turn sharply to me, “I have to tell you something…”

His brow furrowed both in curiosity and confusion. I sighed deeply before continuing.

“I got an Outstanding for Transfiguration,” I said in a low voice looking down at my nails.

“What? That’s brilliant! Congratulations!” His wide smile was so genuine that it burned me in the pit of my stomach with guilt. He almost reached for my shoulder and let his hand drop as if he thought better of it. "Not truly surprising, though"

“James…” I shook my head dismally.

“What is it...?”

I bit my lip looking up at him. How could his eyes, that had always just been brown, be such an amalgam of colour now?   
“We both know I wouldn’t have got if it weren’t for you…”

James’ smile vanished to be replaced by a sympathizing look. He stared at me for a long moment and I could see his confusion clearing. He knew why I was here.

“I didn’t teach you anything you didn’t already know, Lily.”

“James please… don’t.”

Somewhere in the depth of my mind, a siren rang out loud. I was out of time. The words had to come now.  
“The last day of school… I said some truly horrible things,” I swallowed.

“True things…” He deliberated.

“No…” I looked up at him and the orange glow of the setting sun glazed the side of his face illuminating across his eyes. His gaze upon me was soft yet resolute. They somehow kept us in an illusion of empty space where I had no audience but him. I could say anything now because there was no one else around us. Just me and him. He waited giving me the time I needed.

“I’ve been going through it over and over again in my head. What I said… I’ve realised a great portion of that is assumptions and biased opinions. In any case, there’s no excuse for the way I treated you after you helped me through that time. I just…”

“Lily…” James spoke in a deep but tender voice, one you’d use to console a wounded child, “there’s no need to apologise…”

A smile flickered onto my face as a small measure of relief filled my lungs. I was sure he was going to say it was alright, and all was forgiven. But he didn’t…

“I’ve taken a lot of things for granted in the past and hurt a lot of people along the way…”

I tilted my head trying to understand what he meant. The fiery light of sunset the sky ablaze and in that light, I could see the regret in his face for the words he was about to say.

“You were right, Lily. Even if I change… we can’t be friends. Because deep down inside, at least a part of you will always blame me for the way you lost Snape.”

_Snape… _A chill ran through me.

“But… I…”

“I’m sorry,” James said with a hard smile.

It felt like a punch to my gut. One I hadn’t expected leaving me dazed. I couldn’t understand why it affected me so much. Granted no one had ever refused an apology from me before, it seemed almost childish. But why did it matter so much, why did I care?

I stared at his face, not the boy I once knew but a young man who had grown in a way I had never predicted. I’d discovered first-hand the icy veil behind the friendly mask he wore. He stared back into my eyes, unblinking.

“Red, I’m sorry to interrupt,” Sirius said wondering over, clearly in an uncomfortable situation with his fists burrowed deeply into his pockets. “Rita wants to interview me about my emancipation! Prongs, _please _get me out of this! I beg of you!”

James looked over Sirius’ shoulder and then turned back to me at which point I decided I couldn’t look at him anymore. “I’ve got to go…” he handed me my books, “I’m sorry,” the apology was subtle but not casual.

“Sorry Red, see you later” Sirius patted my shoulder and hurried off with James along Beechwood Alley disappearing into the crowd.

  
  
  
****   
  


Distraction had never been a strong suit of mine. When something was bothering me it took hold of me completely. Back at home, I tried to think about anything else other than the humiliating apology that had been returned as a slap on the face.

“Everything alright, dear?” mum asked me while I helped her with supper.

I nodded mutely.

“Why don’t help set the table, it’ll be ready in a minute.”

I took my leave from the kitchen thankfully to escape my mum’s sharp instincts and set the table quickly.

“This isn’t fair Dad! _Why? _Why can’t I have a night out with her? She’s perfectly lovely!”

“Tuney, I’m sorry, I’ve made up my mind. Your mother’s laboured in the kitchen all afternoon for this nice meal and you’re not about to walk out on a family dinner!”

A row had already started between Tuney and Dad because Tuney wanted to go to a party with Marge, her boyfriend’s sister and Dad wouldn’t hear a word of it.   
The arguing continued back and forth while I placed a bunch of marigolds at the centre of the table. I felt somehow she’d make this row about me. At the very least the flowers would shield me from Tuney’s death-stare.

When we all sat down (Tuney grudgingly so, raking her chair across the floor,) Mother had us say ‘Grace’. While she piled beans and chicken onto each of our plates, Dad passed out the bread rolls.   
We ate in silence for a short while. Occasionally forks chinked against the china. Finally, Dad decided to break the silence.

“So, Lil, how was lunch with Alice?”

_And… there goes dinner._

There was a loud _CLANG _as Tuney dropped her fork loudly onto her plate.

“Of course! Dear old _Lilikins _gets to go out with her freaky friends! But if I actually want to see another human being? NO! This is just DAMN UNFAIR!”

“Petunia!” Mum glowered, “Keep your voice down at the table!”

Dad seemed to realise his grave mistake and said nothing but fork some chicken into his mouth. He was very fond of Alice and loved having her over for short visits, so it wasn’t unusual for him to ask how she was. But it was terrible timing considering Tuney’s foul temper.

“I can’t believe you two!” She said pointing her bony finger at our parents, “How can you just sit there and pretend she’s _normal_!”

I swallowed. It gave me a sickening chill whenever my sister treated me like I was an unpleasant stain on her life. I was getting used to it, but it was still horrible. And that day, I really didn’t want to feel worse.  
I kept my eyes on my plate and ate slowly trying to ignore her, mainly to stop Dad from shouting because I hated it when Dad got angry, especially on my account.

Tuney’s pointed chin pulled further in bitterness as she gave me a dirty look, “One day, she’s going to bring home another freak just like her and I’ll bet you’ll be over the bloody moon about it! It’s just the people_ I_ date that you’ve got a problem with!”

Dad’s fist came down on the table making the plates rattle loudly. Mum clutched her chest and we all stared at him alarmed.

“Enough!” he said loudly, “I will not tolerate another word against Lily and her gifts under this roof!”  
I couldn’t help but give Dad a small appreciative smile.

Tuney got up. “Fine!”

“You listen to me young lady, you need to watch your tongue! You’re not going out of this house 'till I say so!” Dad called after her as she stormed off.

“FINE!” I could hear her running up the stairs.

“Petunia!”

Her door closed with a loud bang.

Dad sighed, “I’m so sorry, Mary,” he said to my mother. They looked at each other shaking their heads.

I skipped out on the pudding, not having the stomach for it, and escaped to my room.

  
***   
I didn’t fall asleep for a long while although I went to bed earlier than usual. Finally, I fell asleep only to be woken up in the middle of the night by a loud tap on my window. My eyes snapped open to the sound of small rocks hitting my window.  
  
I rubbed my eyes and got up.   
_Who in the world would be throwing stones at my window at this time of night?_  
  
Once I reached the window and looked out however, I wished I hadn’t asked myself that question. There on the grass was an annoyingly familiar tall boy with a similarly adamant mass of black hair shining in the light of the street lamps.  
  
I didn’t know what possessed me to do what I did next, but I pulled my nightgown over my pyjamas and tiptoed down the stairs. I opened the lock on the front door soundlessly and stepped out. The cool breeze of the night was welcoming at it tickled through my hair but it did nothing to improve my mood.  
  
With an impatient sigh, I stood in front of him, arms folded across my chest.  
  
“Hey,” he said with a playful smile upon his lips.  
  
I said nothing.  
  
“Didn’t think you’d come down. Thought I might have to climb up to your window!” James chuckled juggling the small rocks still in his hand.  
  
“How did you know where I lived?” I asked with a stern gaze. I had been humiliated the moment I let my guard down, I wasn’t about to make that mistake again.  
  
“I didn’t. I knew where Snape lived and I knew you lived close by, so I came to the town and asked around. They said the Evans family lived up here.” He dropped the stones back onto the lawn dusting his hands off on his trousers and turned to me with a smile.   
_Was I supposed to be impressed?_  
  
“Well, you found me! Now, what are you doing here, Potter?”  
  
“I came to apologise…”  
  
I stared at him for a moment before a harsh cynical laugh burst out of me.  
  
“Are you having a laugh? I could have sworn you _disliked _apologies,” I said sarcastically.  
  
“Look,” he stepped towards me boldly, “I’m sorry, ok? You surprised me. I mean… It’s you! Lily Evans! I panicked!”  
  
“You panicked?” I asked incredulously.  
  
“You find that so hard to believe?” he asked with a mixture of fondness and curiosity.  
  
“I do, actually!”  
  
James took another step closer holding my gaze while I stood my ground with my head held high.  
  
“You find it odd that I panicked when you were so close to me, asking for my forgiveness?”  
  
He tilted his head a small fraction. I shifted my feet back, which was a grave mistake…  
  
As if given the incentive, James closed the space between us, coming to stand inches away from me. Startled, my arms fell to my sides. A smile twisted in the corner of his mouth at my reaction.  
He was indeed taller than I’d anticipated. My brow barely reached his chin. My eyes levelled at his collarbones where the muscles of his neck filled his collared shirt. I assumed to look up into his eyes then was as brave an act as any. My eyes traced along his neck, his rough set jaw and over his nose. Behind his glasses I watched his eyes, trying to read them. They were burning bright even in the dim light… almost smouldering.  
  
I swallowed and dropped my gaze. My voice was a lot less defiant when I spoke again.  
“What did you have to feel so unsettled about in an apol-”  
  
“It had nothing to do with the apology,” he cut across me with a soft murmur that ran swiftly across his lips making me look up at him again.   
I couldn’t stop it.  
  
My lips parted but I didn’t know what to say. He leaned forwards holding my gaze until his lips caught mine with a soft, gentle kiss. I didn’t break it, I didn’t even know how. My eyes closed. His hand slowly held my waist and pulled me in, pressing his lips more intently against mine. I felt his fingertips brush up my neck and cup the side of my face. I realised then… I was kissing him back.  
  
_Tap. Tap._  
  
My eyes snapped open.  
  
_Tap._  
  
Half my face was buried in my pillow. My eyes swivelled around the room to get my bearings. I was still in bed.  
  
_STUPID. STUPID. STUPID._ I punched my pillow repeatedly.   
_YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING! OF ALL THINGS TO DREAM-_  
  
_Tap.Tap._  
  
_URRRGH! _I got up throwing my sheet off me and quickly wiping away the bit of dribble on the side of my face, which was perfectly normal. _No one had control over their dribble during deep sleep! _  
More importantly, I was more invested in who was outside throwing stones at my bloody window and why didn't I own a gun to shoot it!?  
I made a mental note.

_Note to self: Invest in a gun._  
  
I marched up to the windowsill and looked out. I could see the large backside of a plump boy bent double on our lawn picking around for more stones to throw at the window. Fuming, I pushed the window open and yelled.  
  
“WRONG WINDOW, DURSLEY!”  
  
The boy got the shock of his life and fell over his own feet knocking the rubbish bins down with him.  
  
_Tosspot._  
  
“Lily you _FREAK_! Keep your voice down!” Petunia hissed in a loud whisper from the next room.

* * *

  
  
**_James_**  
  
I was breathing rapidly as I ran. Most people would pace themselves and jog consistently, but not me, I chose to push myself. I found running to be one of the things that help me clear my mind and right now I needed it. A long run through the dense forest of these parks provided the perfect environment to think.  
  
The woods were calm and cool, dimly lit in the early morning light. We’d been running for nearly an hour at a stretch. Sirius fell behind as I jogged further ahead. When he didn’t catch up I slowed to a stop and turned around to find him holding his knees breathing hard. I was out of breath myself but I needed the run. I needed the adrenaline and the fresh air.  
  
I watched Sirius who was struggling somewhat to get air into his lungs fast enough.  
“You’re…slow…” I said in between breaths joshing him.  
  
“Sod off.” He replied without even looking up.   
I laughed at his annoyance. Sirius didn’t take it well when someone challenged his physical capacity. Once he’d straightened up, he stretched a little pulling his tall frame to its limit before walking over to me. He kicked some of the dead leaves along the footpath carelessly, no doubt to vent his feelings to nudge me in the head.  
  
“Just because…you can _prance_… doesn’t mean… you need to show off!”   
He said panting slightly.  
  
I smiled to myself. I knew he was impatient whenever he made a reference to my Animagus in his sarcasm. I felt bad for him, he hated running and only did it to keep in shape for Quidditch. No doubt he sensed my preoccupied state past few days and wanted to find out if something was bothering me.  
  
“I didn’t ask you to come,” I said quietly.  
  
He gave me a look but otherwise ignored me. My watch gave a signalling whistle. It was charmed to record our run and we had broken our previous record by a long shot.  
  
“Brilliant!” Sirius said perking up at the sound, “I’m starving!”  
  
Something we quickly realised about being Animagi was that while our physical performance and endurance had expanded, our metabolism too seemed to quadruple overnight. We were literally burning through our food and we constantly needed to eat. As if on cue my stomach rumbled.  
  
“Yeah, me too! Let’s head back. They should be up by now.”  
  
***  
  
Sirius and I apparated to the front gates of Potter House. It was the closest we could get since the manor was too protected to allow apparition inside.   
As we approached the gates, invisible locks began to unlock with several loud clicks and clangs leaving a reverberating echo behind. The wrought iron high gates pulled apart seamlessly and we walked up the stone path winding across the grounds. Gregory, a loyal servant and a friend of my father’s was already taking a few Granians out for training. They were majestic winged horses my mother’s family had bred. Their strong hooves clunked on the stone path as they followed Gregory.   
  
At the forefront was Hades, my favourite. He was jet black, a rare mutation for the solid grey breed. A magnificent animal by looks, he was however rejected by the Breeders’ Association as ‘Unfit for Profiling’.   
Hades earned his name by his equally rare fiery orange eyes. Though he appeared menacing, he was intensely loyal and exceptionally obedient. Behind him was Skyla, mother’s prime jewel. The lightest of greys, with her wings almost a dove-white, she was the oldest mare in our stables and was gentle and patient with any untrained rider. Bringing the rear was our youngest, Pegasus, still a foal but with a promising set of steel grey wings.  
  
“Good morning, Master Potter, Master Black” Gregory have a curt nod as he headed out.  
  
“Good morning, Gregory.” We replied. I patted Hades gently as he passed by.  
  
We headed quickly to the manor and found a bit of a commotion in the stone courtyard outside.  
  
_“Desmophorus!”_  
  
An orange light streaked across the courtyard and hit the large clay vase by the pillars, rebounding off the unbreakable charm. Both Sirius and I ducked just in time as the jet of light soared over our heads.  
  
“Great! They started without us!” Sirius muttered angrily under his breath pulling his wand out from behind the shelter of a stone statue.  
  
“_Nigrum fuma!”_ Peter cried. A thick black fog spread from the tip of his wand.  
  
“_Evaneso,_” Remus siphoned the smoke into his wand. “You can’t be serious?”

“I’m not, I’m Peter” Peter gave a chuffed grin.

“Witty!” Remus replied sarcastically.

  
Remus and Peter stood ten feet apart from each other on the stone courtyard in front of the lawn. By the looks of it Remus was coaching Peter on duelling.  
  


“It’s not really fair when you’re using your ‘superhuman skills’ now is it?” Peter raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, Peter! We’re two weeks to the next full moon! You know I’m at my weakest right now. Beating me should only be too easy-”

_“Expelliarmus!”_ A well-aimed disarming spell hit Remus squarely, knocking him to the ground while his wand flew out of his hand landing on the floor with a soft clatter.

Remus coughed straightening up, “You were just distracting me,” he shook his head.

Peter smiled guiltily, “Sorry mate!”

Sirius and I laughed joining them.

“Atta boy, Wormtail!” Sirius thumped Peter on the back, “and never apologise for playing dirty!” he smirked.

“Looks like the tutor has underestimated his student?” I chuckled and held out my hand pulling Remus to his feet.

“Touché,” Remus rubbed his jaw picking his wand off the ground.

Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers with a smirk. “Gentlemen, what do you say we make this more interesting?”

And it was on.

The four of us battled each other on the grounds outside the manor, firing hex after hex for the title of ‘Last Man Standing’.

We each had different techniques.   
Sirius was exceptionally good at attacking, knowing the precise movements and lunging at exactly the right moment. But in contrast his blocking spells were flawed and he often had trouble with his footwork. Remus was smart, employing a series of curses, counter-curses and blocks in rapid succession which often would intimidate an opponent. It was all a mind-game to him, to think like the enemy and retaliate accordingly.

Peter, on the other hand, liked playing it safe. His strong suit was defensive spells. No one could quite generate a shield charm as impregnable as Peter’s, save for those spells it couldn’t block. He rarely chose to attack and when he did it was in a clear cut opportunity when his shot would not be missed or when he had little choice.  
I had a bit of both in me, I wasn’t as strong as Sirius in attacking but I was quick and precise. So I used fast-paced spells with quick movements to attack and relied on my agility and footwork to avoid being hit rather than conjuring blocking spells.

But of course, when one had trained as much as we had with each other everything became a mapped out game plan in one’s head. We all have our little tells after all.

Sirius moved an inch to the side and tilted his arm to the right. _Ahh, his famous Shoulder Dislocator hex._

I ducked tucking my arm in anticipation and avoided the bright blue hex Remus threw at Peter just as Sirius fired his curse.  
_“Humerum luxatio!”_  
The crimson jet of light streaked past my left ear narrowly missing my intended shoulder.

_“Anteoculatia!_” I fired back twirling my wand quickly in three concentric circles. A pulse of violet light burst from my wand-tip.

Sirius jumped out of the way to avoid the curse and it hit Peter instead making thick horns grow out of his skull. Sirius and I paused briefly to laugh before Remus sent his signature Stinging Hex at us making me roll over along onto the grass to avoid getting hit.

I quickly jumped to my feet narrowly blocking Peter’s _“Spectra Nox”_, a temporary blinding curse. Peter used the moment of diverted attention to get rid of his horns.

A pale grey curse streaked past me missing me by a whisker. 

"Jelly legs? Really?" I asked Remus. 

"Prefer a bunny tail?" he laughed mockingly.

"Eat slugs" I fired a jinx at him making him jump out of the way.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius use my distraction to fire another, _“Carpi Distortia”_  
I had just enough time to twist out of the way before it hit me. Very clever of Sirius to use a Wrist Torsion Hex, so that it could stop me from defending myself with my own wand thereby successfully eliminating me from the game. Too bad it didn’t work out for him though.

I retaliated with an impulsive _“Propulsa maxima”_ which Sirius couldn’t get out of in time and managed to knock the wind out of him, throwing him down on his back.   
Remus seized the opportunity to exert a Full-Body Bind on Sirius, that left three of us still standing.

Peter, Remus and I stared at each other, breathing hard. I watched them carefully for a shifting glance, a clenched jaw or a twitch in an eyebrow, anything that would give away their actions with a second’s warning. My wand was slack in my hand. Apparently something Remus hadn’t missed in his calculating look as he shifted his glance to Peter whom he might choose to attack first…  
Or it could be a bluff… to get my guard down. I watched both of them for a reaction. Then without warning, Remus and Peter simultaneously attacked each other.

“_Rubro Occulo!_” Conjunctivis curse.

“_Entomorphius!_” Insectoid Transformation.

Thick jets of yellow and electric blue light engaged each other but the force of the curses hitting each other was too strong and both Remus and Peter were pushed to the ground with the rebounding force with their wands still in hand. As a result, the curses began to interlace with each other, both spiralling straight at me.   
I couldn’t conjure two successive blocks fast enough and a shield charm wouldn’t block them both. I couldn’t dodge one without being hit by the other. I was out of time…

“James!” Someone yelled.

Between the winding curses, I saw the rapidly closing spindle of empty space. It was my only window out. It was now or never.   
With a quick instinctive glance, I lunged forward, pushing myself headfirst through the space as the curses weaved into each other. I pulled my arms in and twisted my body in mid-air with the momentum of the jump to manipulate myself out of the chaos. The blue curse slid beneath me grazing my elbow below as the yellow one narrowly passed over the bridge of my nose.   
The next second I landed painfully on the ground on my side.

Remus and Sirius pulled me back by my shoulders along the grass as the two curses collided in a shower of bright sparks.

Sirius seized me by the collar immediately, “Are you alright?”

“Yes Padfoot, I’m fine!” I laughed pushing my glasses up my nose. Sirius pulled me to my feet as Peter came hurrying over to us.

“James! I don’t know what happened! Are you alright!?”

“At ease boys! I’m fine!” I insisted dusting myself off, “But you’ve got to admit, that was bloody brilliant!” I grinned.

Remus rolled his eyes while Peter and Sirius laughed.

“Can we declare I’m the winner of this duel?” I said highly positive of a unanimous vote.

They all laughed and bowing good-humouredly before me and I graciously acknowledged their humble praise with a courteous nod.

All four of us stood on the green lawns looking at the aftermath of our duel. Big patches of grass blasted off the smooth grounds as if someone had excavated something huge, stone boulder’s blasted to pieces, burning holes through perfectly trimmed hedges and several stone statues decapitated…

“Oh Merlin,” I shook my head “Mum’s going to murder us!”

Yet I couldn’t help but grin.

****

After magically restoring the garden back to its pre-apocalyptic state before afternoon, the boys and I spent the remainder of the day playing exploding snap and exchanging stories from our homes the two weeks we had been apart. Sirius filled in Remus and Peter about his emancipation and his plans thereon. After a delectable supper, the end of a long day found the four of us sitting by the marble fireplace of the cosy library.

Dad had a love for books and knowledge I’d only seen in one other person in my life. Lily Evans. Thus the library, though infinitely smaller than the one at Hogwarts, housed a lot of books about every subject and genre imaginable, even those written by muggles. It was, therefore, ideal for four boys who had found a secret hobby in stealing copies of old Auror Office Case Files and trying to crack the mysteries within them. Dad had explored nearly every career option before he’d settled on his own businesses. Having a natural skill and a keen interest in Defence Against the Dark Arts at school, he’d collected many old case files for reading and understanding and to quench his investigative needs. He’d once thought of pursuing a career as an Auror and though that path was soon a forgotten dream, his collections remained hidden in the Library for four young wizards to engage in much later.

Today however our focus had shifted to more trivial matters: Homework.

Quills scratched as we wrote our Transfiguration essays quietly around the centre table. Sirius, having little interest in homework was leisurely examining a new type of telescope advertised on_ Magnus Magique _magazine. Leant back, feet resting on the armrest of the nearest chair, he looked simply at ease.

“Is it correct to say ‘The liquid stage _prevails _the molecular transforming stage’?” Peter asked out loud.

“Precedes,” Sirius and I said together without looking up.

Peter scratched something off and resumed writing again.

“You should really get the essay done an over with, Sirius” Remus remarked offhandedly looking up from his work.

I hid my smile behind my copy of _Friedhausen’s Principles_ at the prospect of Sirius’ reply.

“Don’t worry, Motherhen,” Sirius nonchalantly flipped the glossy page over beside me, “I fully intend on copying yours as soon as you’re done!”

“Really think McGonagall can’t tell the difference with a few alterations?”

“I think Minnie will be in a huff if I didn’t do anything, so by logic ‘something’ is always better,”

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes, “Think she’ll be in a huff if she heard you calling her that! If it’s used enough times it’s bound to slip out eventually you know”

Sirius smirked, “Unless she’s promised you Head Boy, and _you _won’t slip, ’Ickle Prefect, I think we’re safe!”

Remus pretended to be scandalised, “Words hurt you know?” he threw a small book at him and Sirius caught it before it hit either of us.

With a thoughtful look Sirius dropped the magazine on the polished table and turned in his seat deliberately toward me, “Speaking of words that hurt, what the hell did you say to Evans?”

“What?” I almost dropped my book and had to pick it back up, “What are you on about?”

“I mean, after you two talked in Diagon Alley she looked like you’d slapped her across the face!”

“What!?” Remus and Peter turned to me suddenly abandoning their work, “You two met up in Diagon Alley? When did all this happen?”

Sirius waited his eyes curious, looking at me expectantly with a subtle smile.  
Damn. He knew I wasn’t telling all and he was going to enjoy pulling it from me slowly.

I narrowed my eyes at him and sighed turning to the other two.

“We didn’t meet up. We just… met…”

“Right… that clears it up!” Peter said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, “Sirius, would you tell them? ”

Sirius grinned, “Sorry mate, I’m having too much fun watching you wiggle about!”

“Ridiculous!” I got up feeling the heat rise behind my neck and gathered some of the abandoned books deciding to put them back into their shelves.

“We didn’t meet up alright? Sirius and I, we were there and she just popped up! Said she wanted to talk…”

  
“Ok,” said Remus turning around as I moved behind him to store the books. I could tell by the hint of a smile upon his face he was catching on too. “And what did she want to talk about?”

_They’ll fish it out of me eventually, might as well just say it._

“Nothing,” I said in the most careless tone I could fabricate, “She just wanted to apologise…”

Not wanting to see their ogling looks I turned swiftly and pressed a few books into their cramped shelves.

“Apologise?” came Remus and Peter’s unified disbelieving voice, “What it the world for?”

“Remember that incident I told you about… after OWL transfiguration?” I turned to face them.

“The incident where she said she didn’t want to be mates ‘cos you drove Snape mental? That incident?”

I gave Peter a flat look, “Yes, Wormtail, _that_ incident. She just… wanted to say sorry.”  
  
“That you existed?” Sirius laughed. I rolled my eyes.  
  
“And?” Remus pressed following me back as I resumed my seat.  
  
I picked up my favourite book, _Essence of Transfiguration_ and pretended to read, not a hard task since I’d practically memorised it already.  
  
“And nothing, that was it. That’s all we talked about,” I said as a closing statement flipping the page over for effect.  
  
I was aware of Sirius watching me carefully from the corner of my eye, his broad grin not diminishing for a second, “You didn’t accept, did you?”  
  
I couldn’t stop the smile that crept into my mouth. I didn’t expect him to read me that easily.   
“No, I didn’t.”  
  
“Why not!?” Peter demanded, “I thought you liked her!”  
  
“She’s clearly making an effort!” Remus said diplomatically.  
  
“Why would you make it more difficult?” Peter asked loudly.  
  
“Because she doesn’t mean it!” I said closing the book with a snap, “You know Evans, she’s practically got a halo on her head. The only reason she’s apologising is 'cos what she said is eating her up inside. So she wants to put things right and forget about it…” I explained.  
  
They all watched me for a long moment before Remus finally asked, “And you don’t want her to put things right, because?”  
  
I couldn't help but smirk as I leaned forward on the table, “Because I don’t want her to forget about it…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! Please let me know what you think.


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